


though my soul may set in darkness

by harpers_mirror (SapphireBryony)



Series: a man of many fears [3]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Panic Attacks, background Eiffel/Minkowski/Koudelka, hurt/comfort turned smut, space trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:33:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireBryony/pseuds/harpers_mirror
Summary: a nightmarea late-night heart-to-heartand why kissing Doug Eiffel is like being very pleasantly electrocuted





	though my soul may set in darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Smutty little follow-up the first two entries in this series - I hoped to show how far these two had come as their relationship developed. 
> 
> Title taken from Sarah Williams's _The Old Astronomer._

_ Darkness and silence all around her. Where was the crew? Where was she?  _

_ She was strapped to something - bed? Hilbert’s table? Cutter’s chair? Straps were bad, straps meant she couldn’t get away, couldn’t stop them from -  _

_ Struggling and writhing, Renée tried to get her arms free but they remained pinned to her sides. The weight against her chest pressed tighter and she became aware of the room starting to lighten with a sickly red-orange glow. Was this the beginning? The end? Had Doug’s Dear Listeners turned time back again - how long had she been here? _

_ Oh god, no. Not more time loops. How - Nik wouldn’t understand why she’d left again, he’d be so angry, so sad. She had to get out and get back to him and - Eiffel? Was he at home? Was he trapped here too?  _

_ She had to find him. _

_ Renée tried to speak but no sound came out. She tried to clear her throat, to try again, but the breath caught in her airway and seemed to solidify. The light was growing brighter, and there was a weird buzzing sound in the air. _

_ The air! The air was closing in around her and she screamed in her mind but still no sound emerged. Her vision was dimming and little lights started to pop at the edges.  _

“Minkowski...”

_ She was going to pass out - no, she was going to  _ die _ , alone and gasping here, just like the manual said, just like her friends, just -  _

“Minkowski.”

_ Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe can’t breathecan’tbreathe -  _

“Renée!”

She opened her eyes to another darkness. This one too was lit by flickering orange light, and full of a close, choking warmth of air and she gasped, coughing and choking. 

Struggling to move, Renée found herself still pinned and for a moment, wilted under the thought that she had never left that dying place, that she was still there, would still be there forever until forever ended and she fell into the black. She thrashed, clawing at twisted sheets and tangled clothes and, in her frantic movements, her right elbow connected with something soft.

“Oooof!” came the soft cry from beside her. What on -

“Well,” the voice said again, “you must be okay if the ‘punch Doug’ reflex is intact.”

Doug -  _ Doug. _ Doug was here and if he was talking, there must be air. She drew another gasping breath and coughed harder.

Dimly, she felt a hand running up and down her back. 

“Easy boss, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You can breathe, I promise.” He shifted so he was facing her, and then their foreheads were touching. “I’ve got you. Breathe with me. In, one, two, three. Hold it-”

She exhaled in a rush as another coughing fit seized her, cutting off Doug’s mantra. She choked again, tears springing to her eyes as she did. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay, I promise. It’s safe and there’s air and gravity and all kinds of nice things.”

She could feel his hands on her cheeks, brushing away the tears, smoothing back her tangled hair.

“Let’s try that again. Breathe in, one-two-three. Hold it...good, boss, you’re doing great. Let it out...”

She focused everything she had on following Doug’s directions, forcing her brain to think of nothing more than air rushing in and out and the sound of his voice. 

Slowly, the world came back. Renée leaned back and opened her eyes, her breathing still uneven but less frantic that it had been. Seeing the room still lit with that strange reddish light sent a nasty jolt through her, but there, in front of her, was Doug.

He smiled at her through his obvious concern. “Hey there,” he said gently, stroking her hair again. “Glad to have you back with us.”

“Eiffel,” she croaked, voice hoarse. “What’s wrong with the light? Where - how - ”

Realization dawned on his face. “Oh shit, I didn’t even think - you must have thought we were -” Instead of finishing the sentence, he slid out of bed and hurried to the window. As he twisted the blinds shut, he continued, “I’m so sorry, I meant to shut the blinds and the curtains last night like Dom usually does, but then we got, uh, distracted and I completely forgot until I was like half-asleep and then I figured, ‘Meh, does it really matter just for one night?’ But I think the street light outside is dying ‘cause the color’s all funny and it’s making this weird buzzing noises? And that’s why it’s gone all Red Room of Pain in here, and I’m so sorry, boss, I should have just shut them.”

“Doug, really, it’s - it’s fine. It’s not your fault.” She was feeling winded again just listening to him go on. He’d have made a fantastic singer with that lung capacity - shame he couldn’t carry a tune at gunpoint. But she also knew Doug babbled when he was unsettled or scared and that he found talking weirdly soothing, so she let him run as he fiddled with the window. As he did, Renée realized she was still tangled in a twisted mass of bedclothes, and she knew what had happened to trigger the nightmare.

Doug returned from the window and perched on the edge of the bed. “So,” he said rather hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

She sighed, smoothing the straightened blankets down on Dominik’s empty place. With him away on the first overnight business trip since Doug had moved in, it was weird to get used to having only two people in the bed again. 

“Yeah, Doug, I’m fine. I got all twisted in the covers and my brain interpreted that as being strapped down. Combine that with the red light, the strange noises...” She glanced away. “I’m sure you get the picture.”

He chuckled lowly. “Ohhh you bet I do, boss. Dreams like that are not infrequent visitors to my life either. Turns out my brain is just chock-full of spooky spacey hell dreams. I’m not surprised yours is too.” Flopping back against the pillows, he gazed up at her. “So...”

Suddenly feeling awkward, Renée laid back down, facing away from him. “Doug, you don’t...” she sighed. “This doesn’t have to be a big deal, okay? I was upset, I’ll get over it. Thank you for helping, I  _ really _ appreciate it, but I also really  _ don’t _ want to talk about it. I’m fine, it’s just...”

She felt him shift closer behind her, and an arm snaked over her midsection. “Just your brain being a jerk?” he asked, his voice quiet in her ear. “Telling you that you’re being dumb and silly and you should just get over it and move on? Telling you that your life is good,  _ really _ good, so much better than you ever thought possible and more than you ever deserved, so what the hell do you have to complain about or be scared of?” 

He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, his face burrowed in her hair. “I have both been there and done that, and if you want proof I’ve got this lousy tee shirt somewhere... Anyway, if I’m totally missing the mark, just like, tell me to shut up or something. But I don’t think I’m that far off.” 

Doug hugged her close, very gently, for just a moment before continuing. “And speaking as... as someone who loves you, kind of a lot, I don’t want you to get stuck in that jerk-brain-swamp like I did. It’s... not a good place to be. And you and Dom were pretty much the only things that pulled me out of it. So if I can, y’know, pull you out - if you want! I mean...” 

She felt his face press closer and, to her amusement, could practically feel him cringing through her skull. 

“That was a  _ lot _ of words, even for me, so - sorry. I mean, not like, ‘Sorry I said it,’ because that’s not true. But like, if that was too much or too... _ something _ ...I just - I don’t want to overwhelm you or creep you out or anything like that.”

“Doug...” she began, and then paused.

He kept going, taking her silence as a sign to fill it. “I just wanna help, but if I can do that by shutting up, I’ll really try. Never-actually-was-a-Scout’s honor.”

Renée rolled over to face him at last. As so often happened with him, especially lately, especially since...well,  _ everything _ that had changed lately, the naked emotion in his eyes made her breath catch. There was worry there, but more than that, the sheer force of pure love that radiated from the man was almost overwhelming. She had learned long ago that when Doug Eiffel committed to something, be that a toothpaste coup or a doomsday situation, he threw his whole being into it.

She wasn’t sure why she’d never considered that he’d love the same way too. 

Reaching out, she pushed a curly lock of hair back off his forehead. His hair was getting shaggy but she didn’t have the heart to tell him to get a haircut. Doug closed his eyes and leaned into her touch like a contented cat. 

“Doug,” she tried again. “Thank you.” He opened his eyes and she slid her hand down to rest against his cheek, mimicking his earlier motion. She brushed her thumb over the stubble and was pleased to hear his tiny intake of breath. “Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without you tonight.” Drawing him forward with the slightest pressure from the hand on his face, she kissed him softly.

“Renée,” he responded, all traces of awkwardness and humor gone from his voice. “It was an honor. Thanks for trusting me.” And then he was kissing her, all sweetness and eagerness and  _ god, _ kissing Doug Eiffel was like being very pleasantly electrocuted. Dragging her hands down his sides, she felt smooth muscle covering bone, and it reminded her that they were no longer dying in the darkness but alive and together and safe back on earth.

His kisses began to trail along her jaw and down the side of her neck, and she felt his teeth scrape, very gently, in the place just under her ear that always made her gasp. This time was no exception. The sensation shot through her and melded with the thought running through her mind -  _ we’re alive, we’re alive, we’re  _ alive - and she moaned out loud, pressing herself flush against Doug.

She heard him chuckle, felt him already hard against her. 

“Hmmm...” Doug murmured, the sound vibrating against her skin. “I will  _ never _ get tired of hearing you make those kinds of noises.” He nibbled his way up the shell of her ear, and he could feel the energy coursing through him, his seemingly boundless enthusiasm for pleasing her. The sensations were almost too much - his mouth at her neck, his hands already slid beneath her tank top, tracing aimless patterns on the skin of her back - and she moaned again.

“God, Doug...” she gasped. Tangling her hands in his hair - and wasn’t that a nice sound he made when she tugged at it? - she guided his mouth lower until it skimmed across the top of her breasts. 

He lifted his head away for just a moment, catching her gaze as she removed her top. His eyes were dark and intense, his expression almost hungry - but as their eyes met, a smile like sunrise spread across his face.

“So boss...” he said, kissing her abdomen before pulling off her underwear and tossing them into some dark corner of the bedroom. “Want me to give you something more pleasant to dream about?”

Renée burst out laughing. “Really?” she asked. “That’s your big sexy one-liner?” Her laugh caught as he kissed his way up the inside of her thigh, lips teasing and hinting at giving her what she wanted but never quite making contact.

He shrugged and his tongue swirled around her and she fell back, hands back in his hair, urging him on. “Worked, didn’t it?” he asked before turning his attention back to her.

Her gasping laugh rang out in the darkened room.

It didn’t take him long to bring her right to the edge - it never did when she was stressed out about something. Breathlessly, she tightened the grip on his hair, knowing it drove him crazy, loving the feeling of control it gave her. She rode out her climax pressing Doug’s face against her, until the intensity was too great and she let go, falling boneless and shaking into the pillows. As she caught her breath, Doug crawled back up beside her and pulled her into a searing kiss. 

He let her go and dropped to lay beside her. Gazing at him, Renée smiled. “Hi there.”

He grinned rather goofily back. “Hi! You’re pretty.”

With a laugh, she kissed him again, leaning over him. Without breaking the kiss, she slid on top of him and untied the drawstring on his pajama pants.

He pulled back, looking dazed but also a little concerned. “Not that I’m not  _ very extremely okay  _ with this boss, but are you sure? I know it’s been a rough night and all. I’ll keep ‘til later.”

Renée grinned a slightly predatory grin. “That’s nice, Eiffel, but I won’t. No need for chivalry tonight. Now, take off your pants.”

He exhaled in a rush and began squirming around in an attempt to remove the pants without unseating her.

“Sir yes  _ sir." _

__

In a moment he was naked and she was sitting astride him, moving slowly at first to torment him a little, then faster as she decided teasing was highly overrated.

__

He gazed up at her with a look verging on awe, and ran one hand along the curve of her breast and side, coming to rest on her hip. The other slid behind her head and pulled her down for a long kiss and,  _ god _ he felt good from this angle.

__

When his gasp broke the kiss, Renée grabbed his hands and pinned them to the mattress above his head. Leaning forward, she pressed their foreheads together, mirroring their earlier pose. Doug’s movements became less controlled and more erratic. A wave of sensation swamped her and she leaned back, reveling in it.

__

“God I love you. I love you so much,” Renée heard him gasp as he came. She captured his lips in another kiss, releasing his hands and embracing him.

__

“I love you too,” she whispered into his ear.

__

Minutes later, they were both fast asleep in the normal, quiet darkness, troublesome covers kicked to the floor, fingers intertwined and minds at peace.

__


End file.
